Monday, September 05, 2016



the thing is in my previous beepees
I realised I was being excessively harsh on myself.
i feel Iam almost cruel to my own self sometimes.
why does my endless love not include my own self ? what about self compassion ?
self judgement is cruelty, too, one should love2 accept and love yourself as you are ...
yeah Iam and I was one of a kind dingbat ...
but i am equally and extremely well adjusted too.
i plainly and simply received too much deception for one life.
it also came my way cause I over indiswd on simplicity and innocence.
whoever were oppressive 2 my happiness, saw i was simple, and took advantage.
i kept trusting ....it won't be that way this time ..
and honestly.
still it is better to trust ...and lose it ...
then to be cold hearted and not ...
so anyway
it's better 2 insist on innocence than not.
this is my ...end.. ..
i wish garishness was my deal, but it isn't..
then my Muslim friends ...who could see my ...
confusion a day said -
Allah ke aagey Sab nangey kgharey hain

~dekha jaye toh sach hie hai.
phir bhi apney ko dhaanktey rehna yehie
humara ussool hona chahiye
so what exactly an I trying to say by my today's.. want ....
~ I am still discovering unfolding fitting and decoding

but one of these is:
# yes I do not wana remain this excessively unhappy or in a rut or not being able to fully forgive my past hurts &move on.
#yes I wana accept myself as I am &work towards better and better n super beautiful future for me and for all ....

~ yet this stage is the mix ...where I am yet to feel tge sense of liberation ..there is still suffering 2 be released ......

i am desperate if I am not able to seek any original solutions to self. that making me xrestless.

~one day at a time
one baby step at a time
as long as there is a vision
it has 2 happen
considering the wayvi was .
one day in usa
i was forced 2 ask myself this question
why did I come here at all
why did I do this
why all this misplacermrmt
i went back on my time and realised
i was tead scared while i was boarding those flights
i was lonely extremely
hurt miserably
and just armedcwith a vision
a resolute sense of idealism
inside of me and nothing else
why should that make a woman
risk herself thousands n thousands of miles away?
pat came the answer!
it was finally the eve's Apple!
all that innocence has to drop
it was late in time
but I guess
i had to chew on my humble apple bite
i had to travel so far away, put so much distance and risk in the middle
2 gain sumthing that wasn't coming my way
i was forcing providence for supplication
I'm still some way away.
hopefully tommorrow, in one day
all love will be mine
&; another phool in lover's paradise
will rise
to merit her shine.
khuda hafiz ..every 1 ..
Ramadan kareim.

( iwrote this during ramzan. so i am leaving it this way. thanks to all. ) 
take care. 
a'love yll

Sunday, August 28, 2016

abda dabri doo

there was a major mishap
my phone email picked up a virus
couldnot log onto any accounts relatex to gmail
later got a call from a friend saying
something hopeless about is being circulated
please check
i have been so busy doing life
ofcourse because I have taken up so many difficult paths upon myself;
i cannot understand why any one will be so vela to try and hack a female's account for what reason ? I'm not even any important person or celebrity. imagine haven't even had time to fix that yet. yes that's how much in strigle I'm allalone. @nd even for this strigle im infinitely gratefull.
instead of hating try love
instead of tròubling others please try to provide them with whatever you can.
there are days when I myself don't have anything and yet I give away the last morsel of either money or food i may have saved just because I don't like to go through scarcity complex. not for me. not for any1.
be generous
try at least
it's very difficult and painful in internal being........
but it's great to deal with every one else.
just because all the world isn't awakened to this
that's why we hurt each other
try love
make it a habit
make it yours
even if there will ve no returns
still it is the right n correct thing to do
it's the omkara
your a participant
create beauty light hapiness joy giving love peace true inspiring life
tc beauties

Friday, April 22, 2016

today another beautifull reference..
truths about life
the  realisation

i gotd at haridwar
when my father Sab visited me at chandigarh
I made plans forvhim to go 2 many places
of pilgrimage and pleasure
but he refused saying he would go to all those places when mom comes with him alongside
this form of love of my mom and dad towards
one another the devotion sacrifice and inclusive togetherness is the basis in my life's understanding.
finally be agreed 2 take us both to haridwar ..
:-) yayes
even writing about haridwar
makes my air intake change itself
the place is so profound so beautiful
so devotional shishyakarie
it is one of the ultimate places one may visit in earth
I hadn't known this before going there though
we arrived and checked in a gorgeous old residential hotel samrat ..
ganga ghat darshan ..arti ...
the energy nadie of the place is so different
so many gurukuls dharamshalas
there is a reason
it's not for saying .....
that haridwar is the gateway to God's.

~at the arti ...
I want forward into the waters
papa remained behind
an entire sth indian family from Hyderabad was next to me
the words those lady told me about this place!
so at the samay of arti
all of us Hindus
and there were many foreigners too ..
with no direction ..
from different parts of India ..
gathered at the banks of our revered
mother ganga jie
we all
pray together
usually Hindus pray individually at homes
very rarely there are get togethers or community prayers i would say the notion is reducing too
it was an evening filled and drunk on
devotional piety
next night
I wasn't sleeping till late as usual
so i requested pa
if we could fetch tea
he agreed at about one thirty we left 2 walk out found a chaiwala who remains open all nights
and generally were squandering n waking out time here
this might seem not likely
but this night changed my life
~in the middle of the night
streams and streams of
devotesses and devotees
we're walking in a single informal queue
next morning was going to be
some mangal somvar or another
our of hundreds of pious days
every 1 gathers here for this
auspiscious daye
how many country folks walked in
one after another
to do and experience those same things
I had had the utmost pleasure of
worship maa gangajie
take a dip and sank in her waters
prayer 2 her by offering aratie
( savour the most wholesome purie halwa on the shops just outside :-))
among anyother favours
and god
this is who we all are
we have a divine connect with the almighty
when we recognise it
every human comes with it
my looking for human connection ~
bore full meaning
if we can come together great
ultimately it's god connect
me and Him.
it was so full and profound moment.
adrakwalie chai bhi bhot achie thie..

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