today another beautifull reference..
truths about life
the  realisation

i gotd at haridwar
when my father Sab visited me at chandigarh
I made plans forvhim to go 2 many places
of pilgrimage and pleasure
but he refused saying he would go to all those places when mom comes with him alongside
this form of love of my mom and dad towards
one another the devotion sacrifice and inclusive togetherness is the basis in my life's understanding.
finally be agreed 2 take us both to haridwar ..
:-) yayes
even writing about haridwar
makes my air intake change itself
the place is so profound so beautiful
so devotional shishyakarie
it is one of the ultimate places one may visit in earth
I hadn't known this before going there though
we arrived and checked in a gorgeous old residential hotel samrat ..
ganga ghat darshan ..arti ...
the energy nadie of the place is so different
so many gurukuls dharamshalas
there is a reason
it's not for saying .....
that haridwar is the gateway to God's.

~at the arti ...
I want forward into the waters
papa remained behind
an entire sth indian family from Hyderabad was next to me
the words those lady told me about this place!
so at the samay of arti
all of us Hindus
and there were many foreigners too ..
with no direction ..
from different parts of India ..
gathered at the banks of our revered
mother ganga jie
and...
we all
pray together
usually Hindus pray individually at homes
very rarely there are get togethers or community prayers i would say the notion is reducing too
it was an evening filled and drunk on
devotional piety
wow~
next night
I wasn't sleeping till late as usual
so i requested pa
if we could fetch tea
he agreed at about one thirty we left 2 walk out found a chaiwala who remains open all nights
and generally were squandering n waking out time here
this might seem not likely
but this night changed my life
~in the middle of the night
streams and streams of
devotesses and devotees
we're walking in a single informal queue
next morning was going to be
some mangal somvar or another
our of hundreds of pious days
every 1 gathers here for this
auspiscious daye
how many country folks walked in
one after another
to do and experience those same things
I had had the utmost pleasure of
worship maa gangajie
take a dip and sank in her waters
prayer 2 her by offering aratie
( savour the most wholesome purie halwa on the shops just outside :-))
among anyother favours
~
realise
me
and god
this is who we all are
alone
we have a divine connect with the almighty
when we recognise it
every human comes with it
my looking for human connection ~
bore full meaning
if we can come together great
otherwise~
ultimately it's god connect
me and Him.
it was so full and profound moment.
adrakwalie chai bhi bhot achie thie..
:-)

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jie, hanjie

agreeing to elders is the greatest capacity of a young person, 
there are various sach .. things we follow in our culture ... these are called sanskars, 
you may be anyone that you want2 be but one must be sansakarie

we may not disagree with our elders 
with our teachers
with other people of elderly bearing 
this does not mean 
we must crucify ourselves
for this jesus is here.
but generally it is something we are most agrred to do 

when .. in the ancient time of mahabharath
the great bhishma pitamaha was yet a young prince
he was told by his father that he may not bear a lineage 
so he awoved 2 remain an eternal brahmacharie 
meaning he wont go near women ..he wont marry
and hence cnnot bear children
he did this just to agree to his father sab 

mygreat lord Rama bhagwan 
was asked by his father sab the king dashrath vikram
to leave his princehood his kingdome and be expelled from his own ayodhya ... 
rambhagwan simply smiled 
and agreed 
to say no to your father sab, or maa, is a thing unheard of 
whereas same may go for a married woman pertaining her man, her hubby and in laws 

this caused the society to remain somewhat managed on its own principles self sustenance.. 

in my culture 
causing revolutions
and other sach things that are fashionable in modern times and western societies are not considered righteous energy
it is energy moving forward 
but it creates negativity 
it creates lot of negative energy for the society 
as sach the society should function same as your body 
if your right hand revolutionalisied every few times 
it may probably appear as paralysis

anyway this same thought was 
given pooraka 
by a verywise 
khalsa bhai 2 me :) 
while i travelled from some gdw or another 
and i asked him one or 2 questions 
not any more 
as i was shy too
:)  

as in my previous chapter i somewhat said somethings against my elders i wanted 2 
apologise and understand in my own way too 

as this is not my practice ever
~
following this has somehow brought me a lot of authority and success and i am happy it has worked for me. 
i am super duper glad. 
i sat on the head of meetings in board rooms 
where every1 was ready to follow my instructions 
i became a dean to so many students 
i have enetred business houses and top performers' offices  
( please not 2much either .. i am also a wrecker i travel more linearnkcreative than vertical always)
tch is also wy im pr! :) ~ 
aim a super blesse female and
it is because this reflects

what is discipline 
above and over our capacities, to-be punctual; 
this is time.
we need to be punctual with our time. 
we need to be as most-rigorous as possible with our discipline.
maths is a discipline
being a student us a discipline 
creating luvnpeace in this space of world is discipline 
yet to see the light of the daye for all of us 
learning making bhakhries or baking pizzas like my granmaa 
or learning innovation from a company like spacex from this guy wotshis name
this is discipline 
these are disciplines 
let us not miscalculate 
let us not admire leaves but forget the roots 

as sach time is super important 
i am alive so i will die 
so my time is limited for htis birth 
but time itself is eternal or immemorial or infinite
it is a separate concept than our clocks 
and it belongs to Great Lord MahaKaal
( for me of Ujjiian) 
he is the bearer 
not every1 is capable of this 
so if we notice one of our children 
ill adjusted to the concept of time 
let's try and undwrstand it a little  
it also is the eternal truth 
of earth 
belonging to the masculine 
let us honour our sons
alongside our daughters
who move in cycles and rhythmic circles 
  
by saying hanjie 
jie
yes! <3 span="">

we are not being  
primmed
there is nothing wrong in recognising 
something someone older greater bigger than ourselves  
and agreeing to it ... if they wanted it particularly to 
some order should be created in our chaos 
this is life 

also at toher times elders also listen to others 
and this runs our rhythms 
forward 
~
muchas gracias 
:) 

   
       

testimony for mr. anthony robbins .....

unleash the power within ....

~

okay tonite i decided, first and formost ... i am gona wrte about his topic . .and move on 2others laters... 

who is anthony robbins ? 

every one calls him tony robbins these days .. but ... i recieved the book in this name ... and it shall be this ... for me .. 

....

~

~ i do not suppose for now .. i may ask anyone ... IMAGINE. 

is coz ... every1 experiences at a different level and .. 

maybe most cannot imagine .. what another is gong through .. 

so .. right now ... no imagination .. 

! 

for now i will tell you in words .. as it is difficult .. to tell in any case for me ... 

~

i am studying architecture .. 

ever too studiously .. 

im inundated ... in my thought processes .. i attempted too hard n too dense 

these are not .... levels we all generally imagine .. to break .. 

as .. ofcourse ... they may lead to .. .no ... success on .. social level.. 

i still cannot make understood ... what it is -the philosophical apple i was trying to chew on orbite .. 

except . .that .... 

in no explicit words .. or clear formations of actions .. 

i did find my own mojo ~

i hope n wish i can share it .. 

but i am sure .. its different and easier for some 

its .. far ahead for others 

some dont care to be here 

it was extremely complex and complicated on me with absolute on returns 

i have no complains .. 

i learn iaccept 

~

life is a phenomena of gift 

it is sacred 

it is divine.

! so okay 

in the middle of an extrmely complex learning time that i owed 2my university .. 

i got stuck and heavy 

ha .. its design 

ha .. its everyzx 

ha is architecture 

ha what are the levels we are fitting on. 

~

so okay .. my college .. .was ... sumwhat average. 

the bestest aspect of this place was 

we got left alone 

no one bothered after design or 'styles "

no lengthy discussions 

if it can be built and .. you turn in some sheets 

we were good to go 

~ but my philo sytate was'nt allowing me jus yet to be aggressive about any simple studies of earthy existences ... i was deepling on a diffrent level .. maybe because .. also .. i ahead been too much into ... heavy duty meditation .. .the chaitanya .. .was .... heavy at the time .. .i wasnt ableto navigate ..

~ for a 20 year okld .. spending too muchon education ... borrowed from parents ' life time savings and credit.. in a society that values.... keeping these appearances .. .going ..... i was drowned .... 

i was not a rebellious girl in .. a  mornal ... sense of the word .. 

ihad no boyfriends .. i wish i had been able to .. 

" why are you in this trance ? 

i am doing sadhna 

sadhna karogie toh prem kab karogie 

~ 

miss ho he gia

~

enter ...

my father sab .. brought me the latest gift .. anthony robbins .. book .. 

papa brings self development books always and this was cool was us .. for me .. 

i cover my books in brown paper or old newspapers .. 

this one was in a pretty brown cover with hand inked title and name of author....very simple.

~ 

i have beein a library rose.

i owe nearly everything i am i know .. 

i owe so much knowledge too all these peeps on earth that record books 

and then these get deleivered to ... ultra .. simplest female sponges like me ... and man!!!!!! .. .books ... have beeen ... my greatest gift ever .. all those years... certainly today my reading is lot reduced ... i did get tired of it .... but ... i read a lot ... and ... it has been wonderfull ..... 

thanks to all writers in the world. any ... language.. and subject .. any purpose ... that you wrote .. you came out .... i cherished .. ! :) 

~

so

~

uni was going tough for me 

studies were going all over the place 

teachers were angry 

peers were judgemental 

i was exorbitantly sensitive 

without having any way of showing it 

i still struggle ... 

~

at 21 wen every1` else comes of age 

i was living in a dark n heavy space alone 

of a pattern indescribable 

not knowing how to reach -nagivate 

nothing

~

my adult life has been a trajectory of pain. 

but untill now 

i wasnt even able to formulate these words to come to a realisation  

that 

.

hey 

how am i getting to you? 

any one please ?! 

~

so finally i held on to tony robbins book for dear life ... !~ 

.

uptill now i used to carry heavy books of architectural jewellery in tomes ... it was an arms workout .. 

but presently i understood 

something is going way too worng 

i discarded my pleasure books 

for something i have to break in to 

otherwise 

it wont be worth it 

~

my travel to school was most painfull. 

for studying a course like the one we had .. 

we needed to live near our schools 

or for scholarly pursuits at least 

otherwise i was spending so long to travel in public transport 

actualy today i am gona spell it as it is. 

it was a nightmare. i cannot wish on any 20 year old female. 

esp. some1 like me. 

i think i nearly died inside

i lived in the last suburb of bombay .. from there i was travelling to new bombay ... via .. govandi and the buses were full of fumes dust crowds trafic log jams plus expensive for a student

nearly every day after returning through this painful journey 

i would throw up at home 

sleep off 

wake at nites to finish school work or studies 

get late nearly everyday to reach school on time 

and get shouted upon at for discipline.

where was the discipline from my elders 

who could not see that the heavily log jammed public transport needed some easing out for young souls. but i did not say this. ever. to anyone. i am happy to battle my own battles .. if they are gona be worht it.. this one had beein ... 

~

today i feel exquisite tenderness towards life 

everything is now .. worth it .. 

(although i met a fate unimaginable ... and 

i expressly state that my fate, i wish on no living thing. ever.) 

and yet. 

today iam .. so very loved ..   

those were past traumas.

today is so golden and beautifull and preetie... 

and ... future is gona be even more ... cheerie blossomed.. 

~

so everyday in the most painfull bus journeys .. and even other times

i used to read and read and read and read . .anthony robbins' ... book. 

i understood little of it ... 

some things . .were too much to put in practice... 

i read it like bible or gita..

i read and read and read.. 

i cannot even remember it much right now .. 

but here was the voice of a person who was saying ... unlimited possibilty exists .. 

change is possible 

change anythign and everything .. that's not working for you. 

(imagine . .even till today ..  iam struggling with my dense state of thoughts ..)

honestly at that time ... it merely .. embalmed me .. 

the processes . .are still starting .. up untill today .. 

~ 

we were shocked that he spoke extensively about changing food habits 

about mirroring ... and understanding all the various body languages in people 

the nlp ... now which is called somethign else .. thia cannot keep up yet .. 

.. 

watching a few of his .. .videos ... jumping up and down in energy balls ... 

:) 

the bloke is amazing .. :) 

simple american man .. 

who spoke from his heart 

about making life better for him and his family. and every1 else. 

..

his book carried his voice so far ...... and ... meant so much ... 

nutill today ... we are all struggling ... 

but i am glad .. i followed .. anthony roobins ...

i made my own way of understnading life, based on his .. .templates .. 

i am still figuring out my truths 

progress is still far 

and many a times i get very bleak 

~ 

but i wont giveup too ... 

~ 

i can firewalk ..:) 

imagine the change i am able 2 manifest .. 

be a firewalker 

be a change~angel

its very tough 

painfull to the core 

it is going to be worth it. 

~.~

always your's ..

~rachana

jai ganesha .. 

I have AnAmerican Dream. :)

lvin the dream  

i have an american dream/.
who does'nt?

believe it or not.
accpet it consciously or no.
everyone has an american dream.

that is what dreams are supposed to do
that is what we love for
we live for our dreams
and everyone has one.
or few. or many. or in my case. unlimited.
we all have a few.
what is the amircan dream or californian dream or " i have a dream " of mlk king.
..... these dreams that play our imaginations.. ...

firstly saying this empowers you,
if you knew every morning you are waking up to fulfill your dreams you will wake up. first. next you will commit. next you will remain steadfast. next you will work harder better. as beleive it or not there are so many people on earth all hankering for you ... and waiting for you ... ..... .. 
if you so have this dream . .as such to reach out to others .. and why knot?
your dream will anchor you. 

the american dream and the cosmopolitan american people are made of a few of these : 
everyone reaches to make better their lives in every which way .... 
...spiritually ... materially ... family . .wise ... faith wise ... togetherness wise...friendshp wise...happiness wise, physically... 
this is true ... 

it seems a lot and sounds lofty . .but i travelled coast to coast .... i travelled to sanfrancisco .. and to new york and the mid west .. and this is what i saw .. .... 
whatever be the ethnic build of the person ... who ever he or she is .... this is a great great nation and a great great country ... and this is a nation of people that believe in reaching out to you."for you".   
it is entirely possible when i travelled, before itself, it seemed like my destination of choice ... 
i was connected .. spiritually ... only i have never disclosed this to not many friends, .. 
excet my american friends i met ... i told them ... ofcourse... 

i am a hindu woman of a family of royal bearing. as i travelled ... length and breadth of marica .. alll the people i met .. could not stop celebrating .. me being a hindu and an indian girl...?! ....... they told me the kindest and nicest things ... 
"we have'nt met .... one indian perosn ..who is unkind  ............ 
(sigh)! .... 

they celebrated my piercings ... ( or so .. everyone felt my bindi stone on my forehead .... 
some of them told me they had never met an indian or hindu girl ....
most reached out for me .... 
most .. .held not jus their hands in friendship ... most people offered themselves,their souls up ... too   
vietnamese, chinese, indian,mexican,
BALck, wHIte, Latin, russian, all american ... .... ............!  
i am sure it is my place my connectuion maybe i s why i found my true growth, i am sure of this ... this is why we travel .. absolute strangers .. will make you your's .... 

but it is indeed beyond this... 

american people .. are the power of this nation .... 
they are ... wild.. to meet fairness, 
....they are not interested in maintaining a status quo ... 
they are interested in ... strengthening and furthering it ... 
to as pure as it can get ... to innovation .... 
human life innovqtion...
i sat at the airport quite lonely and ... in the south and midwest ... suddnely in the bible belt...i covered my head with the chunarie .. and .... 
i courld hear whispers ... royal royal .. 
how could strangers know ? this ? 
it's justthat as a rajput girl ... we may cover our heads ... in ... gatherings ... 
and ... inwardly .. . i can tell you this ... 
tears were flowing to me .... 
who i am 
.. is an almost acceptance and celebration in a foreign land so far away ... 
and indeed americans ... told me this .... they would do anything ... to see... anyone have a voice ... 
how fairytale! my visit felt to me!

the democracy works for the people here; 
(although it is a jumboree in my country ... truthfully speaKing...)

we the people. 
this is the american dream.

my janam seems quite saakaar ... ! :)  
( okaye! i will translate this ... 
my birth has found true form ~ or met its full purpose and potential ! 
~ hinduspeak!