the thing is in my previous beepees
I realised I was being excessively harsh on myself.
i feel Iam almost cruel to my own self sometimes.
why does my endless love not include my own self ? what about self compassion ?
self judgement is cruelty, too, one should love2 accept and love yourself as you are ...
yeah Iam and I was one of a kind dingbat ...
but i am equally and extremely well adjusted too.
i plainly and simply received too much deception for one life.
it also came my way cause I over indiswd on simplicity and innocence.
whoever were oppressive 2 my happiness, saw i was simple, and took advantage.
i kept trusting ....it won't be that way this time ..
still it is better to trust ...and lose it ...
then to be cold hearted and not ...
it's better 2 insist on innocence than not.
this is my ...end.. ..
i wish garishness was my deal, but it isn't..
then my Muslim friends ...who could see my ...
confusion a day said -
Allah ke aagey Sab nangey kgharey hain
~dekha jaye toh sach hie hai.
phir bhi apney ko dhaanktey rehna yehie
humara ussool hona chahiye
so what exactly an I trying to say by my today's.. want ....
~ I am still discovering unfolding fitting and decoding
but one of these is:
# yes I do not wana remain this excessively unhappy or in a rut or not being able to fully forgive my past hurts &move on.
#yes I wana accept myself as I am &work towards better and better n super beautiful future for me and for all ....
~ yet this stage is the mix ...where I am yet to feel tge sense of liberation ..there is still suffering 2 be released ......
i am desperate if I am not able to seek any original solutions to self. that making me xrestless.
~one day at a time
one baby step at a time
as long as there is a vision
it has 2 happen
considering the wayvi was .
one day in usa
i was forced 2 ask myself this question
why did I come here at all
why did I do this
why all this misplacermrmt
i went back on my time and realised
i was tead scared while i was boarding those flights
i was lonely extremely
and just armedcwith a vision
a resolute sense of idealism
inside of me and nothing else
why should that make a woman
risk herself thousands n thousands of miles away?
pat came the answer!
it was finally the eve's Apple!
all that innocence has to drop
it was late in time
but I guess
i had to chew on my humble apple bite
i had to travel so far away, put so much distance and risk in the middle
2 gain sumthing that wasn't coming my way
i was forcing providence for supplication
I'm still some way away.
hopefully tommorrow, in one day
all love will be mine
&; another phool in lover's paradise
to merit her shine.
khuda hafiz ..every 1 ..
( iwrote this during ramzan. so i am leaving it this way. thanks to all. )