Wednesday, December 25, 2013

alankar, if there is deity..

how civil are we? 
how civil is our society ? 
community? community spirit?? / 
people ? you and me. ?  
people /~ men and families - that reside with -in  and use the system to meet their purposes, selfish greeds. 
just because no one tells / no one knows. and ... hell wait //... 

civil : 
IT IS february 2013. this year beginning. februararies have been very special to me sine childhood. 
because not only the season of spring descends in india ~ vasant punchamie is when my folks got married.
my mom's birthday falls next day. few weeks later , papa's birthsay falls. it's a party atmosphere in family in the month. each year, feels as if  , something really new exciting is coming this feb. and hell.. yes, valentine;s day. . 

on 1st feb, i am flying to hyderabad. .. this is coming a full circle, i am also coming a full circle in kalyan. //  

i love th city of hyderabad.  i once had the good fortune of living and working in the city for a few months. i had dreams of a lifetime ..| 
it was a personal hell //////////\ | 

anyway, i overcame my fears, and flew to hyderabad this time, for other purposes. 
an international convention of women from nearly all over the world.though it was supposed to be indian.  

this time was magical. especially meeting/hearing my icon, ms kiran bedi. :) 
and many many many other ladies and friends,  form indian.., subcontinental asia, asia, and all over world ... :) Beautifulllll !!!!!!! :) 

@ hyderabad, i am purchasing new stuff at gullies of charminar... 
as usual .. ladies and shopping ... 

goodness knows, what all of us women think? | by buying all this new stuff, by magic, someting, really new and cool is going to happen in my ****** up circumstances. 
maybe they will change my luck and my course. maybe they won't . but being a woman is an extraordinary gift. we foresee hope all the time. in this hope .. i am furtively buying. 

lots of pearls. hyderabadi pearls. 
gems and stones, green. red, multicolour ... 
different earrings, studs, drops, jhumkies, crystals, ..
an uncountable variety of bangles... | 
hyderabadie maang teeika.., the one that falls on the side of her head. 
hyderabadie sherwanie for tnchuklie bantuklie tuttrie jhamkudie!!!! 
bridal hair bath bridal body bath bridal henna bridal face pack. 
seriously what do i think ??
sarie's we aovid. 
then i see the black man.
ittarwala. .. 
oh yes, i forget the ittar ... 
boss, boyfriend, king?> i dunno .. some such names of attar, he has them all ... 
i look at blackman - sheepishly , ... 
hmm .... i have been a few years in te UNcivilised world .. 
blackman is .. nudging on me ~ 
i parlay.. 
i buy so many .. 
i particularly reach for the indian musk. 
w8 a minute, if anyone ever smelt the indian musk. will lknow .... WOW! 
it is ... heavenly... 
i am happier of buying this one .. 
he makes me smell them ... 
hmmmmm .... i am reaching some place else of .. senses ... 

i run .. 
i recieve a hiding , for being last ... 
i ... .. err am sorry ... 

i ride back ...
how ever all the stuff remains unopenend.nothing to be surprised there.. 
one morning , i am happy to take a look at the jewels i firnatically purchased and downed a good part of my savings. 

i try on a fewbaubles and ... 
so slowly i am happy about them ,... 
it's a slow day ... 

i turn on the news ... 

hyderabad blasts : ::: 

grit my teeth ...  
i nearly retched .. 
2 weeks ago i was here. 
similar think had happenend. 
one day i was at a place in mumbai.
with my touring bua.
next day it bombs ... 
same london.- same day, same time., travelling in opposite direction and saves .. 
i was'nt at dilsukhnagar, more so at ... 
natty places like leonia and secunderabd club .. .. aho bhagya@!  

why talk of it? 
it is overlayed with context, so out of my own. 
it is almost otherworldly.   

but simple people dying .. 
people getting ready every day to reach their work places from homes .. going to schools, nurseries and temples .. everyday life ??? WHY ????? TO .. UNarmed folks ??? who nearly donot have a voice anyway. 

[Terrorism is the systematic use of violence 0 / Terror 0 as a means of coercion for political purposes. In the international community, terrorism has no legally binding, criminal law definition. 
Common definitions of terrorism refer only to those violent acts which are intended to create fear + Terror; are perpetrated for a religious, political, or ideological goal; and deliberately target or disregard the safety of non-combatants / Civilians.]

we all shut up because - hell we are simple ordinary people. why talk about these things ? 
but it is so unacceptable. 
go fight, who can be of similar ... strength to you. 
who will fight you back. not simple folks. 


back in ... my apartment, 
Musks are all just terrible dirty foul smelling black waters ... 

i got Duped ... 
why blackman? do you suppose, you had to small time roadcheat me on indian musk ittar. 
i know i have been duped, anyways. 
surely, musk is not easy to have... 
defifnitely did not come my way ... 

if one goes left from the 
laad bazar, 
@ charminar 
,before the 
road,y-forks for the sarie shopes, 
blackman is still selling 
if you find him for me ...let me know..  
maybe i should ggift him this time .. 

at least mine won't be - 
terrible dirty foul smelling black waters.
alll the other shringar, i still wore.. .. 
bridal stuff lies around unpacked .. 


~~ to unabshedly copy-
other people's poetry, and ideas..
when i have my own
poems stashes
and ~ ideaS 

and doesnot share. ..

i read the bhagwad gita;
in times of tries,
last year;
and the only shrutie
sticking is,
"you are a warrior, and your duty is to fight!"

i am dismayed.
i am not needing for this shrutie to stick to me.
thereafter this year, i been myself..
i persheveer over this shrutie,
i recieved this poetry in the middle
and relives,
i overcome fears, and
lighter and lighter bein


To dream
the i-m-possible dream,
To fight
the um-beatable foe,To bear
the um-bearable sow-rrow,To run-
where the brave dares
-Ot to go,To love
the pure and chest from
a-far,To right
the un-forgivable wrong,To try
when your arms./heart./
are too-weary,To reach-- --
for this umm, 
--reachable star,

This is my quest to follow this Star,No matter how he place
,no matter how far,To fight for rights/voice,
without questions without pauseTo be willing
to march
into hell for hervenly cause.

That my heart will lie peaceful and calm
when I’m laid to my rest.And the world will be better for this,
That one woman,
still strove with her last ounce of courage
scorned and covered with s cares
to reach her  im reachable star!!!! :)
"The Impossible Dream" From Man of La Mancha

knightress medititing on self

No matter how o